The Pain of Miscarriage

While my story doesn't have pictures of babies, I feel that it is also worth putting out there too. Thank you for sharing your story. People need to know this.

My husband and I have 3 kids. Each one had more complications that the last. Our third was supposed to be a twin but we miscarried his sister.

Then, last year, I got sick. I thought I had a stomach bug. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was tired all of the time. I felt so depressed and languished all the time. After 2 wks of this, I went to the ER with severe pain in my side. Another miscarriage. We were devastated. No, we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, if that makes sense. I was almost 8 weeks along. 

It was the most horrible thing that I have ever experienced. It  was so painful. With every cramp, it felt like some took a red hot scalpel to my skin. Then the blood came. It felt like buckets of it. I would stand in the shower, as blood clots and tissue, gushed out of my body. Tissue. Not clots or liquid. Tissue. My baby. A baby. A real baby. It was melting out of me and I was melting out of my self. I felt like I had failed as a woman and as a mother. But I was also heartbroken, because I had fallen in love with a baby that I didn't even know I had inside me. The minute they said I was pregnant, my husband and I were overjoyed. We had so much love that it bursted out of us. Then minutes later it was grief. It was terror. We wondered if our baby felt what we felt. Felt pain? Felt lonely? 7 and a half weeks pregnant and we were wondering these things as if it were alive. Because we knew that it was. We lost a child that day. Not a fetus or an embryo. A CHILD. Our second child had been taken back to heaven. A CHILD. We still grieve over our babies. We still celebrate our sons birthday as if his sister was here. She gets a little ceremony with just the close family every year. Our last baby is talked about daily. We pray every night and talk to them. 

All this talk of abortion and planned parenthood saddens me. I know the loss of a child. I know the pain. I pray that this world starts to see what is going on. I pray for the children.