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Within days of posting my photo and message on Facebook, I had hundreds of people messaging me with their own similar stories. I felt like so many of us go through hard times in life, but we don't always have people to talk to. I want everyone to know that they are not alone! If you want to comment on my stories, please do, but please keep them kind.

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Thursday, August 13, 2015

Michael and Raphael

I received this email from a sweet woman who wants to remain anonymous, but I know the pain she has felt. I am so proud of her for trying again and will be praying that everything goes well for her this time around. I know her angels are watching over their family.

"In May 2015 we lost our identical twins Michael and Raphael. I believe that God needed few more angels at His side. It just suddenly happened. I was 18 weeks around that time, not having any labor symptoms, no bleeding, no problems with the cervix or anything else. One day I developed a sore throat and had a fever, so we decided to go to ER to get checked. After they took care of my fever and sore throat the doctors did an ultrasound on me just to make sure everything was ok. Next thing I knew there were 2 ER doctors and 1 OB doctor trying to find my baby's heartbeats from the ultrasound, and I had a bad feeling (I am a nurse so looking at the ultrasound machine I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions without having professional opinions by the doctors). Finally one of the doctors broke the news to my husband and I that our twins had no heartbeat at all. I was in denial, so I demanded a second opinion from my specialist, so they did another ultrasound, but there was still no heartbeat. I felt like I died inside me, I had never felt that pain in my entire life. The doctors told us we should deliver immediately since I was at a high risk for complications, and that once I delivered they could do an amniocentesis to try to determine what went wrong. So I went into labor (induced), and got an epidural because I just couldn't take any more pain. It also broke my heart when I saw my husband looking at our babies. It has been hard for me to move on, from time to time I just see myself crying and still some part of me blames myself for what happened. I was having a hard time to sleeping at night and just kept thinking about what happened. I am very lucky to have a husband who is very supportive. After 2 months we received the autopsy report and some other test results. They said that everything was normal, the only thing was that my placenta was too small for twins to carry them to full term. After hearing this I felt some relief knowing I hadn't done anything to cause this. I also asked the specialist about my placenta, and she said that every placenta is uniquely made for each pregnancy and having twins is just very high risk. I am only 27, still young, so I told myself I am not giving up and we will try again. I will do whatever it takes to keep the next pregnancy safe, no matter what I need to do. We just started trying to conceive again and we are hoping this time everything will be ok and that God will answer our prayers."

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