About This Blog

WARNING: Some of the photos posted on this page may be hard for people to see

Within days of posting my photo and message on Facebook, I had hundreds of people messaging me with their own similar stories. I felt like so many of us go through hard times in life, but we don't always have people to talk to. I want everyone to know that they are not alone! If you want to comment on my stories, please do, but please keep them kind.

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Sunday, August 16, 2015

The Pain of Miscarriage

While my story doesn't have pictures of babies, I feel that it is also worth putting out there too. Thank you for sharing your story. People need to know this.

My husband and I have 3 kids. Each one had more complications that the last. Our third was supposed to be a twin but we miscarried his sister.

Then, last year, I got sick. I thought I had a stomach bug. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was tired all of the time. I felt so depressed and languished all the time. After 2 wks of this, I went to the ER with severe pain in my side. Another miscarriage. We were devastated. No, we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, if that makes sense. I was almost 8 weeks along. 

It was the most horrible thing that I have ever experienced. It  was so painful. With every cramp, it felt like some took a red hot scalpel to my skin. Then the blood came. It felt like buckets of it. I would stand in the shower, as blood clots and tissue, gushed out of my body. Tissue. Not clots or liquid. Tissue. My baby. A baby. A real baby. It was melting out of me and I was melting out of my self. I felt like I had failed as a woman and as a mother. But I was also heartbroken, because I had fallen in love with a baby that I didn't even know I had inside me. The minute they said I was pregnant, my husband and I were overjoyed. We had so much love that it bursted out of us. Then minutes later it was grief. It was terror. We wondered if our baby felt what we felt. Felt pain? Felt lonely? 7 and a half weeks pregnant and we were wondering these things as if it were alive. Because we knew that it was. We lost a child that day. Not a fetus or an embryo. A CHILD. Our second child had been taken back to heaven. A CHILD. We still grieve over our babies. We still celebrate our sons birthday as if his sister was here. She gets a little ceremony with just the close family every year. Our last baby is talked about daily. We pray every night and talk to them. 

All this talk of abortion and planned parenthood saddens me. I know the loss of a child. I know the pain. I pray that this world starts to see what is going on. I pray for the children.


  1. I saw your story on ksl about miscarrying your sweet twins and I just wanted to express my condolences and thank you for your bravery in speaking out against abortion. I'm so glad there are brave women like you willing to educate women despite your personal pain. Thank you for your inspiring example!

  2. Deepest condolences to you and your family. Thank you for your bravery and this blog.....I still grieve the loss of our unborn child at 10 weeks three years later. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I type because this happened to me. I am not alone in this experience. First pregnancy was wonderful so a miscarriage completely unexpected. After such pain and loss, experiencing life begin and end inside me, now I may not be able to carry another child full term. So, every post or add about choice rocks me to the core! I have a dear friend that raised a child that was the result of a rape, I have stood by as a friend made a different decision which caused her pain and suffering. ....this is such an important topic. At 10 weeks along we grieved the loss of our child not our choice. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. Thank you for opening up to others sharing their stories.

  3. I am so sorry mama. I am glad you are speaking about it. I just faced this and the silence can be craze-inducing

    After feeling so voiceless i opened up online because i was isolating myself so i wouldnt rabdomly blurt :

    I am having a miscarriage. Right now.


  4. Hi I'm so sorry to hear of your loss I my self have had 12 miscarriages in the past the longest being 15 weeks with my beautiful baby girl in heaven I am going through another miscarriage at the moment and it's breaking my heart to no I will never get to see my baby smile or play or grow up I have 2 beautiful little girls and I am so thankful to have them I am only 25 and don't no if I will be able to have anymore children I find it sad that people can play with baby's life's no matter what stage they're at its a life they created they shouldn't have the say to end it cause it's not convenient it's not right no matter what stage your at that's my opinion there is always the option of adoption for parents who can't have the pleasure of having a baby of they're own