Michael and Raphael

I received this email from a sweet woman who wants to remain anonymous, but I know the pain she has felt. I am so proud of her for trying again and will be praying that everything goes well for her this time around. I know her angels are watching over their family.

"In May 2015 we lost our identical twins Michael and Raphael. I believe that God needed few more angels at His side. It just suddenly happened. I was 18 weeks around that time, not having any labor symptoms, no bleeding, no problems with the cervix or anything else. One day I developed a sore throat and had a fever, so we decided to go to ER to get checked. After they took care of my fever and sore throat the doctors did an ultrasound on me just to make sure everything was ok. Next thing I knew there were 2 ER doctors and 1 OB doctor trying to find my baby's heartbeats from the ultrasound, and I had a bad feeling (I am a nurse so looking at the ultrasound machine I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions without having professional opinions by the doctors). Finally one of the doctors broke the news to my husband and I that our twins had no heartbeat at all. I was in denial, so I demanded a second opinion from my specialist, so they did another ultrasound, but there was still no heartbeat. I felt like I died inside me, I had never felt that pain in my entire life. The doctors told us we should deliver immediately since I was at a high risk for complications, and that once I delivered they could do an amniocentesis to try to determine what went wrong. So I went into labor (induced), and got an epidural because I just couldn't take any more pain. It also broke my heart when I saw my husband looking at our babies. It has been hard for me to move on, from time to time I just see myself crying and still some part of me blames myself for what happened. I was having a hard time to sleeping at night and just kept thinking about what happened. I am very lucky to have a husband who is very supportive. After 2 months we received the autopsy report and some other test results. They said that everything was normal, the only thing was that my placenta was too small for twins to carry them to full term. After hearing this I felt some relief knowing I hadn't done anything to cause this. I also asked the specialist about my placenta, and she said that every placenta is uniquely made for each pregnancy and having twins is just very high risk. I am only 27, still young, so I told myself I am not giving up and we will try again. I will do whatever it takes to keep the next pregnancy safe, no matter what I need to do. We just started trying to conceive again and we are hoping this time everything will be ok and that God will answer our prayers."

The Original Post and Photo

With all this talk of abortion right now, I want people to know that this is what a 22 week old child looks like. This was just minutes after my twins passed away after living and breathing for about 30 minutes last November (Chase, the one on the right, looks different because he was in the sac without amniotic fluid for a couple days). It is legal to abort children at this age in way too many places. While I was holding my babies, wishing they would survive, babies at the same gestation that could have survived are being torn apart and discarded or sold. It makes my heart sad. There are so many better options (adoption being my personal favorite). These are precious children of God. I love you Chase and Cooper, and I hope someone will see this and reconsider their choice.

Chase and Cooper's Story

I wanted to share the story of what happened to my twins.

We struggle with infertility and it took us years to get pregnant, so we were SO excited when we found out we were going to have twins! They were identical, so they were high risk the whole time and I was monitored every few weeks by ultrasound. Around 18 weeks I started feeling some pressure, but I had an ultrasound at the hospital and they said everything was fine. I still felt uncomfortable with that, so I actually changed doctors a few times to find one I felt better about. I found a new specialist based on recommendations and they were able to get me in last minute. I will forever be grateful for this miracle, because had I waited just a few more days I would have gone into labor without ever knowing what had gone wrong or being given the chance to try to save them! My new doctor did another ultrasound and exam and discovered that I had an incompetent cervix which was leading to preterm labor. The other doctors weren't watching for this because my first son was full term. Unfortunately, I know now that this is actually really common with twins. We did everything we could to save them, including surgery and a couple hospital stays, but it wasn't God's will. Eventually I went into labor and there was no stopping it (they won't give any medication to try to stop labor if you are before 24 weeks along, and I was about 22). There is no promised medical intervention for babies under 24 weeks in the US, which was hard, because once they were born I had to watch them struggle to breathe and wasn't able to help them. But they each died peacefully in our arms, and blessed our lives in that short time more than I could have ever imagined. We know that everything happens for a reason, and that we will see them again some day!

When the doctors first saw that my cervix was shortening and the chance for delivering healthy babies was low, they offered my husband and I an abortion. They told us we could just end the pregnancy right there, quick and simple. It broke my heart to even hear it, because I knew we would never do that. We had to fight for our babies! I had seen them in about 10 ultrasounds at that point, and I knew they were alive. I felt them kicking inside of me and they already each had their own little personalities. I just knew we had to do everything we could to try to save them, and we did! Knowing that we tried gives us such peace. We gave them every chance to survive, but in the end it was up to our Heavenly Father and He needed them back home with Him. We prayed for a miracle, but sometimes God answers our prayers in unexpected ways :) Cooper and Chase are our miracles.

I wanted to get my picture out there not to judge or hurt others, but because I feel like a lot of people don't connect the fetus inside of them to an actual baby when they are thinking about an abortion. I just wanted to bring awareness to others so that they could see that these are little people. But I had no idea it would spread like it has! Thanks so much for caring you guys!

Thank you!

Thank you so much to everyone who has shared my post, and especially to the wonderful people who have messaged me with your own beautiful stories. I made a lot of new friends today :) We live in such a wonderful world with so many good people, and I really appreciate the amazing response I have gotten to my post. Not too long before Chase and Cooper were born, I had a feeling that they weren't going to make it. But I also had the distinct impression that it would be alright and that was the way God intended it to be. I felt very strongly that they were sent to this Earth for a reason, and that they didn't need to live very long to change lives and make a difference (especially in my own life). I am so happy that their memory is living on, and I can't wait to see them again one day! To anyone who reads this who may be hurting tonight, I will be praying for you. Love to you all.