Michael and Raphael

I received this email from a sweet woman who wants to remain anonymous, but I know the pain she has felt. I am so proud of her for trying again and will be praying that everything goes well for her this time around. I know her angels are watching over their family.

"In May 2015 we lost our identical twins Michael and Raphael. I believe that God needed few more angels at His side. It just suddenly happened. I was 18 weeks around that time, not having any labor symptoms, no bleeding, no problems with the cervix or anything else. One day I developed a sore throat and had a fever, so we decided to go to ER to get checked. After they took care of my fever and sore throat the doctors did an ultrasound on me just to make sure everything was ok. Next thing I knew there were 2 ER doctors and 1 OB doctor trying to find my baby's heartbeats from the ultrasound, and I had a bad feeling (I am a nurse so looking at the ultrasound machine I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions without having professional opinions by the doctors). Finally one of the doctors broke the news to my husband and I that our twins had no heartbeat at all. I was in denial, so I demanded a second opinion from my specialist, so they did another ultrasound, but there was still no heartbeat. I felt like I died inside me, I had never felt that pain in my entire life. The doctors told us we should deliver immediately since I was at a high risk for complications, and that once I delivered they could do an amniocentesis to try to determine what went wrong. So I went into labor (induced), and got an epidural because I just couldn't take any more pain. It also broke my heart when I saw my husband looking at our babies. It has been hard for me to move on, from time to time I just see myself crying and still some part of me blames myself for what happened. I was having a hard time to sleeping at night and just kept thinking about what happened. I am very lucky to have a husband who is very supportive. After 2 months we received the autopsy report and some other test results. They said that everything was normal, the only thing was that my placenta was too small for twins to carry them to full term. After hearing this I felt some relief knowing I hadn't done anything to cause this. I also asked the specialist about my placenta, and she said that every placenta is uniquely made for each pregnancy and having twins is just very high risk. I am only 27, still young, so I told myself I am not giving up and we will try again. I will do whatever it takes to keep the next pregnancy safe, no matter what I need to do. We just started trying to conceive again and we are hoping this time everything will be ok and that God will answer our prayers."

Augustina and Antonia

This is Diamond's beautiful story she wanted to share about the loss of her twin girls:

"In late February 2010 I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I was still living with my dad and going to beauty school while working a part time job. My boyfriend at the time was living with his parents working a part time job and had just signed up for the Navy. When we found out we didn't tell anyone I was pregnant right away except for a couple friends. When we finally got the courage to tell our family we told my family first because we knew they would take it the best. We told my boyfriend's family about a week later and at first they weren't happy, but it grew on them. We went for my first appointment and found out I was about 16 weeks already and we heard the heart beat (this was before we found out it was twins). That's when I fell in love and started to become excited! The doctor was feeling my stomach and said I felt larger along than what I was, so we went and did an emergency ultra sound on May 22st, and that's when we found out we were having identical twin girls. We told everyone and they were so excited. 

In June 2010 everything took a turn for the worst. I had started spotting so I rushed to the hospital but all they said is I was dehydrated and I needed to drink lots of water. Then a week later I was hurting so we went right back and again they sent me home saying I was dehydrated and that I need to drink 3 gallons of water each day. A couple of days later I went back to the hospital because I was cramping and bleeding and my oldest daughter's sac had broken. This time they kept me in the hospital and gave me some medicine to try to keep them in and relax me. They had told my dad that I was having contractions but I could not feel them. On June 16, 2010 at 8:56am I gave birth to my oldest, Augustina Charmaine Alonzo and she was stillborn. Then at 9:04 am I gave birth to my youngest twin, Antonia Tiffany Alonzo, and she only lived for seconds. She died while she was getting baptized. They told me it was Twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).

It's been 5 years and I'm okay with them not being with me. I know it was God saying I wasn't ready, and I tell myself that my mom (who had passed away) want to meet her grandchildren. Now I'm pregnant again with a little boy and I am so excited! He's due anytime now. I've seen a specialist this pregnancy and he has finally given me answers about my first pregnancy and TTTS. It feels so much better now to know that it was nothing that could have been stopped and it was nothing I did. I tell my son he's got two older sisters who love him and who watch over him. I do miss them but I know they a better in heaven with God and my family." 

Thank you so much for sharing your story Diamond! I am so excited for your new addition, and he will know that he has two precious angels watching out for him. Wishing you all the best, and thank you again for being so open! -Heather

Mariah's Story

Our post today is from Mariah. She and I got pregnant and lost our babies at the same time last year, and my heart aches for her.

"In July of 2014 I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I at the time didn't know what to do or how to handle it. We were only together for a month and I was already pregnant. I took four pregnancy tests and they all came out positive. Both of us in shock and scared for this big change in our lives. This was our very first child, and it took us awhile to recognize that this is real. When I went to my first ultrasound, I fell in love. Baby was supposed to be born on March 22, 2015 which was the day after the three year anniversary of my mom's death. I hoped baby would be born on the 21st of March to change a tragedy into a blessing. Months went by and my boyfriend started making the baby's  nursery. Our theme was the jungle for a baby boy or girl. My boyfriend working as hard as he could in the nursery - I always had to tell him to come to bed at night. We became excited, happy, and even more blessed. He came home from work and would talk too my stomach and say, "Daddy's home," and I won't ever forget the first time he heard baby's heartbeat. I have never seen him so happy and excited about anything. When I became 21 weeks pregnant we were going in to find out what baby was. The nurse said, " Congratulations its a girl!" and we both started crying. My boyfriend knew the whole time she was going to be a girl. Tears of joy fell from his face because he was so happy to be having a girl. We named her Adalynn Mae Kroll. The next day I got a phone call saying my daughter looks healthy and my ultrasounds looked great, but a week later on November 11th at 12:30am, I started getting pains as I was sleeping. I tried to go to the bathroom but the pain wouldn't go away. All of a sudden I realized I was bleeding. I started screaming and crying at God to please not take my baby. I grabbed the phone and called my best friend at the time who was living with me. I told her to come back to the bathroom with me and her boyfriend called 911. I will never forget the pain and terror I felt. When the paramedics came they assumed I had hemorrhoids and just left me there. As I screamed and cried I begged my friends to take me to the hospital, but I just couldn't move the pain was excruciating. When I went back to my bathroom I sat down and cried until I felt like I had to push. I told them to call 911 because I knew Adalynn was coming. Knowing it was going to happen I calmed myself down. The paramedics came back and put me in the ambulance and drove slowly to the hospital. It was agonizing. By the time I got there I had to give birth to my daughter. When I did the nurse came up to me and said, "I'm sorry... Baby didn't make it," I screamed and my whole body went numb. I started shaking out of control and I just couldn't calm down. The worst part of it was having to tell my boyfriend. The father of my child. I've have never seen him cry as hard as he did. We stayed in the hospital overnight. We got the chance to hold her, kiss her, hug her and tell her we love her. We got her cremated and had a little funeral for her. Till this day I still think about her. I know she is with my mom and grandmother and grandfather now. They will take care of my baby until it's my turn to go. I still have her ashes and I sleep with them from time to time, but I gave her clothes to someone else. Now I can only hope this doesn't happen again. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for letting me share my story."

The Original Post and Photo

With all this talk of abortion right now, I want people to know that this is what a 22 week old child looks like. This was just minutes after my twins passed away after living and breathing for about 30 minutes last November (Chase, the one on the right, looks different because he was in the sac without amniotic fluid for a couple days). It is legal to abort children at this age in way too many places. While I was holding my babies, wishing they would survive, babies at the same gestation that could have survived are being torn apart and discarded or sold. It makes my heart sad. There are so many better options (adoption being my personal favorite). These are precious children of God. I love you Chase and Cooper, and I hope someone will see this and reconsider their choice.

Chase and Cooper's Story

I wanted to share the story of what happened to my twins.

We struggle with infertility and it took us years to get pregnant, so we were SO excited when we found out we were going to have twins! They were identical, so they were high risk the whole time and I was monitored every few weeks by ultrasound. Around 18 weeks I started feeling some pressure, but I had an ultrasound at the hospital and they said everything was fine. I still felt uncomfortable with that, so I actually changed doctors a few times to find one I felt better about. I found a new specialist based on recommendations and they were able to get me in last minute. I will forever be grateful for this miracle, because had I waited just a few more days I would have gone into labor without ever knowing what had gone wrong or being given the chance to try to save them! My new doctor did another ultrasound and exam and discovered that I had an incompetent cervix which was leading to preterm labor. The other doctors weren't watching for this because my first son was full term. Unfortunately, I know now that this is actually really common with twins. We did everything we could to save them, including surgery and a couple hospital stays, but it wasn't God's will. Eventually I went into labor and there was no stopping it (they won't give any medication to try to stop labor if you are before 24 weeks along, and I was about 22). There is no promised medical intervention for babies under 24 weeks in the US, which was hard, because once they were born I had to watch them struggle to breathe and wasn't able to help them. But they each died peacefully in our arms, and blessed our lives in that short time more than I could have ever imagined. We know that everything happens for a reason, and that we will see them again some day!

When the doctors first saw that my cervix was shortening and the chance for delivering healthy babies was low, they offered my husband and I an abortion. They told us we could just end the pregnancy right there, quick and simple. It broke my heart to even hear it, because I knew we would never do that. We had to fight for our babies! I had seen them in about 10 ultrasounds at that point, and I knew they were alive. I felt them kicking inside of me and they already each had their own little personalities. I just knew we had to do everything we could to try to save them, and we did! Knowing that we tried gives us such peace. We gave them every chance to survive, but in the end it was up to our Heavenly Father and He needed them back home with Him. We prayed for a miracle, but sometimes God answers our prayers in unexpected ways :) Cooper and Chase are our miracles.

I wanted to get my picture out there not to judge or hurt others, but because I feel like a lot of people don't connect the fetus inside of them to an actual baby when they are thinking about an abortion. I just wanted to bring awareness to others so that they could see that these are little people. But I had no idea it would spread like it has! Thanks so much for caring you guys!

Thank you!

Thank you so much to everyone who has shared my post, and especially to the wonderful people who have messaged me with your own beautiful stories. I made a lot of new friends today :) We live in such a wonderful world with so many good people, and I really appreciate the amazing response I have gotten to my post. Not too long before Chase and Cooper were born, I had a feeling that they weren't going to make it. But I also had the distinct impression that it would be alright and that was the way God intended it to be. I felt very strongly that they were sent to this Earth for a reason, and that they didn't need to live very long to change lives and make a difference (especially in my own life). I am so happy that their memory is living on, and I can't wait to see them again one day! To anyone who reads this who may be hurting tonight, I will be praying for you. Love to you all.