This Is What a 14 Week Old Baby Looks Like

Thank you so much Ciara for sharing this story and these amazing pictures.

Another warning: these photos may be hard for some people to see.

"I lost baby Adrian at 14 weeks Feb 1, 2015. I started bleeding on super bowl Sunday. The bleeding got worse then what I thought was a clot was my baby. I held in my hand a fully formed baby with all his tiny fingers and toes. I was in complete shock so I called for my husband from the bathroom he took me to the hospital. I had to have two units of blood, IVs, blood tests, an EKG, and my blood pressure went down to 80/40. I had a D&C for my placenta, and I went home that night feeling empty and in shock. I felt guilty. What if it was something I did? I had taken no pictures. I never had an ultrasound and never heard a heartbeat so I had nothing to remember him. That's when my husband suggested we name our baby. We picked a unisex name: Adrian Glen Castro. I looked up online and found out that we could have our baby buried or cremated, and that gave me something to cling to so I'd have something to remember, so we called and arranged it. My husband went to sign papers at the hospital. I was still on high iron pills and resting, but thankfully the nurses took pictures, footprints and hand prints for us and also told us it was a boy. I cried - I was so happy to have something of baby Adrian. Then the day came to say goodbye, so we arranged to view baby before cremation. That was a hard day but I am glad I got the chance to have this when so many don't even know this is an option. My Angel baby will never be forgotten...and I'm happy to say I'm four months pregnant with a healthy baby and no problems so far."

We are wishing you all the best with this pregnancy Ciara!

An Important Story to Tell

Thank you for this beautiful guest post by a woman who wishes to remain anonymous. It is one that needs to be read, because she has seen all sides of this issue. Thank you so much for sharing. 

I was a 15 year old who had lived with 10 years of sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of multiple family members.  My mind was probably a little messed up.  I had recently been raped by my older foster brother.  But then I found that my boyfriend and I had conceived.  I didn't know what to do.  I started planning an abortion.   How could I bring a baby into that life. No one came forward to help give two scared very troubled teens any other options.  I kept thinking if Heavenly Father didn't want it to happen he'd stop me.  Well that's not how it works.  I figured that out when my boyfriend fainted on the floor during the "procedure". It was too late.  We did love our baby.  And it has affected our whole lives.  Our pain will never go away.  We gave her a name and a ceremony.  We prayed and felt our baby was a girl.  Her name is Angel Marie.  I wrote her a song: 

"Angel, Angel Marie, how could I do what I did to you?  Oh and Angel, Angel Marie how could I know how it'd feel?  Oh and how could I know it was real?   Angel, Angel Marie I thought you would be gone.  How could I know I would be so wrong. For you dwell within my heart and from there you will never depart.   For I love you still and I always will..."

I repented, went to my leaders, I prayed for Heavenly Father's and Angel's forgiveness.  I hope that someday I can hold her and tell her how sorry I am...  I know Heavenly Father has forgiven me through the atonement of Jesus Christ.  

But time marches on and life continues.  I had two beautiful healthy children.  Also in stressful circumstances but still wonderful.  Through two marriages I've also been blessed with 4 amazing step-children, and one foster son.  I'm thankful to have been mother to all these kids through the last 23 years. 

My new husband and I wanted to have a child together.  We began trying but it wasn't working out. Then after 1 1/2 years we finally conceived.  We were overjoyed.  We shared the news, after the six week mark, when all looked perfect. But after 12 weeks when we went for our four month appointment, the healthy heartbeat could no longer be found.  My body refused to naturally take care of the dead baby and was clinging to the pregnancy, 4 weeks after the baby had died.  So Avery, the baby I'll never hold on earth, was removed from me.  

We were told that we could keep trying after a waiting period so we did and six months later found ourselves expecting again.  This time we were more cautious.  After the four month mark all seemed well.  We shared to joyous news.  Then the quad screen came back with issues.  After an amino 9-17-12 they found our baby boy had mild Spino Bifida and Trisomy 18.   Trisomy 18 is fatal, especially in boys.  He could not live outside the womb for more than a year, probably for less than a day.  While he wasn't due until the end of February he would probably be born early.  We were given the option to terminate. I didn't feel supported by medical staff in keeping this terminal baby alive in my womb. However, I could not do it, even knowing he'd died minutes after birth and that our family would experience so much pain. I might have done it if I hadn't known from my experience with Angel Marie how much I'd hurt and loved her and how wrong it was.

This began the longest 3 months of my life.  Yet I wouldn't change them because they were Ezekiel Dominick's life.  He was born 12/23/12 at 30 weeks.  He was born alive and lived 30 minutes.  He got his body and returned to his Heavenly Father.  We love him and know that our family is forever.  But it still hurts.  

A few months later my sister who couldn't have another child of her own was blessed by a young woman who chose life and allowed her daughter to be adopted.  Now I watch her grow knowing my son would be the same age.  

We continue to try but 2 1/2 years later that healthy baby we long for is still not making its appearance.  We pray Heavenly Father will have mercy on us and bless us.  We can't afford to adopt. I wish adoption was easier for birth moms and adoptive parents and more affordable. Then maybe more would see it as an option.  It would help so many. 

So you see I've been on all sides of this issue.  I love and morn all my children.  Heavenly Father loves us all and will make everything right as we follow him.  I hope my story can help others. 

The Pain of Miscarriage

While my story doesn't have pictures of babies, I feel that it is also worth putting out there too. Thank you for sharing your story. People need to know this.

My husband and I have 3 kids. Each one had more complications that the last. Our third was supposed to be a twin but we miscarried his sister.

Then, last year, I got sick. I thought I had a stomach bug. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was tired all of the time. I felt so depressed and languished all the time. After 2 wks of this, I went to the ER with severe pain in my side. Another miscarriage. We were devastated. No, we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, if that makes sense. I was almost 8 weeks along. 

It was the most horrible thing that I have ever experienced. It  was so painful. With every cramp, it felt like some took a red hot scalpel to my skin. Then the blood came. It felt like buckets of it. I would stand in the shower, as blood clots and tissue, gushed out of my body. Tissue. Not clots or liquid. Tissue. My baby. A baby. A real baby. It was melting out of me and I was melting out of my self. I felt like I had failed as a woman and as a mother. But I was also heartbroken, because I had fallen in love with a baby that I didn't even know I had inside me. The minute they said I was pregnant, my husband and I were overjoyed. We had so much love that it bursted out of us. Then minutes later it was grief. It was terror. We wondered if our baby felt what we felt. Felt pain? Felt lonely? 7 and a half weeks pregnant and we were wondering these things as if it were alive. Because we knew that it was. We lost a child that day. Not a fetus or an embryo. A CHILD. Our second child had been taken back to heaven. A CHILD. We still grieve over our babies. We still celebrate our sons birthday as if his sister was here. She gets a little ceremony with just the close family every year. Our last baby is talked about daily. We pray every night and talk to them. 

All this talk of abortion and planned parenthood saddens me. I know the loss of a child. I know the pain. I pray that this world starts to see what is going on. I pray for the children.